Children, babies, kids

Children really are a blessing.....
When I think about my life without them, I just can't imagine not having all those little moments that have made my world go round'. 

I recently learned that a childhood friend lost her 3 month old baby girl.  I didn't even know, just happened across it. At this point, I don't know how or why but it broke my heart in two. I almost gasped for air as I read words that said "our angel went to heaven"......... I had to re-read it a few times to make sure that is what it said.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  That bile in the bottom of my stomach started creeping up, my head started pounding, my mind was going in circles.  I'm not sure why this hit me so hard. Some other people in my social world have lost their children too, but this one really hit me differently.  Don't get me wrong, I have hurt for each person but this time I feel just that... different.

When you look at a precious baby, you are looking at a miracle sent straight from God. A mother carried that baby for 40 weeks inside of her and bonded before first sight.  The thoughts aren't even imaginable when it comes to my girls.  Even in the times when I'm the maddest at Briley for her typical teenage mouth, I would never wish it away. I still love everything about her. 


How do you let go of a beautiful child that you have loved and nurtered even before they were born? I don't have an answer and as much as this blog is for me putting down my feelings, I'm almost at a loss for those as well.  Putting myself in that mothers place, feeling her pain, hurts me to the core. It wouldn't matter if it was a baby or an adult child. Those bonds are there, they don't go away. 


I have recently seen some posts from another friend who lost her son just last year.  I hear the hurt in her words as they jump out off the screen at me. I also hide away that sound I heard from a mother who lost her then 9 year old baby boy, when my oldest was just 2 years old. The sobs, screams and gasps ring in my ears from time to time. Remembering that shrill of a hurting mother who just lost one of her babies.  It makes me want to sweep my girls up and hold tightly to them. 

Does it make a difference if there is sibling? Or is it harder if it's the only one?


I'm not sure how a family copes with losing a child, regardless of age. My girls are my entire world. I never imagined this feeling I have inside of me for them. It's almost not love, it runs so much deeper than that. My momma said it perfectly... "It's unreal when you watch your heart walking around on the outside of your body."  That statement is so true.  I feel just that way when I look at two beautiful girls I've been blessed with.  We all boast about the proud moments of parenthood. I can't imagine not doing that!  

As I have gotten older, I appreciate the little things so much more as a mother. I was a worry wart with Briley, I hated to have her leave the house in dirty clothes, was worried about little, not-so-important-but-stupid things. Now with Lakyn, I could care less. The things she says and does, the learning, all amaze me and make me the happiest mom around.  I hear her singing her A, B, Cs and will listen over and over.  When she refers to herself it always starts with "Me did" or "Me didn't". I can't correct her on it because I love to just hear her talk. Maybe that is how we spoil our children? Either way, I'm happy. I have my babies and treasure their accomplishments. Even as Briley sat the bench almost the entire basketball season, I was proud. Wore my sweatshirt and supported her and her team. She MADE the team! That counted for something, no matter how much I would have loved to see her get better as the season went along.

I write all of this to say, I guess the only thing to do is pray that nothing happens to your babies, no matter what their age.  Wrap them up tight and treasure everything they do, no matter how mad you get. Let lose of the little things, have fun with them and boast about their accomplishments. Soak in every minute of the things they learn, their little voices as kids, the sweet noises they make, how they wrap their arms around your neck and squeeze.  Know right then, that you're the only one that matters in their little world.... or big world as an adult.

I pray that my family is protected from that hurt. I will hold my girls close and treasure them as long as I am on this earth.